Why We Do Not Do What We Say – Asrar Qureshi’s Blog Post #901

Why We Do Not Do What We Say – Asrar Qureshi’s Blog Post #901

Dear Colleagues!  This is Asrar Qureshi’s Blog Post #901 for Pharma Veterans. Pharma Veterans  aims to share knowledge and wisdom from Veterans for the benefit of Community at large. Pharma Veterans Blog is published by Asrar Qureshi on  WordPress, the top blog site. Please email to asrar@asrarqureshi.com for publishing your contributions here.

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Often, while we display good intentions and talk good things, our actual behavior does not match with it. The alarming thing is that many a times we do not even realize this contradiction. 

The phenomenon where people's actions do not align with their words, despite having good intentions, can be attributed to several psychological factors. Understanding these factors can shed light on the complexities of human behavior and communication.

Sigmund Freud (1856 – 1939) said that only about one-tenth of our mind is conscious, while the rest 90% is unconscious. Our unconscious refers to that mental activity of which we are unaware and are unable to access. According to Freud, unacceptable urges and desires are kept in our unconscious through a process called ‘repression’.

Freud further suggested that the unconscious ‘Id’ contains our most primitive drives or urges and is present from birth. Freud believed that the id operates on what he called the “pleasure principle,” in which the id seeks immediate gratification. Through social interactions with parents and others in a child’s environment, the ego and superego develop to help control the id. The superego develops as a child interacts with others, learning the social rules for right and wrong. The superego acts as our conscience; it is our moral compass that tells us how we should behave. It strives for perfection and judges our behavior, leading to feelings of pride or—when we fall short of the ideal—feelings of guilt. In contrast to the instinctual id and the rule-based superego, the ego is the rational part of our personality. It’s what Freud considered to be the self, and it is the part of our personality that is seen by others. Its job is to balance the demands of the id and superego in the context of reality; thus, it operates on what Freud called the “reality principle.” The ego helps the id satisfy its desires in a realistic way.

The id and superego are in constant conflict, because the id wants instant gratification regardless of the consequences, but the superego tells us that we must behave in socially acceptable ways. Thus, the ego’s job is to find the middle ground. It helps satisfy the id’s desires in a rational way that will not lead us to feelings of guilt. According to Freud, a person who has a strong ego, which can balance the demands of the id and the superego, has a healthy personality. 

Professor Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries of INSEAD, says that aligning our actions with intentions is challenging, as our unconscious mind can influence and even derail our behavior and decision making. While we may think our actions are guided by conscious, rational thought, only a small part of our brain is engaged in conscious reasoning.

Nobel Laureate, Daniel Kahneman, in his groundbreaking book, ‘Thinking – Fast and Slow’ argues that our impulsive, fast thinking comes from unconscious although we may think we have thought it logically. Slow thinking comes from conscious and is driven by logical thought process. Fast thinking is likely to be wrong more times compared to slow thinking.

Let us look at how and why these contradictions are displayed in daily interactions.

Inconsistency in Values and Beliefs – Individuals may experience internal conflicts between their stated values or beliefs and their actions. This inconsistency can arise from societal expectations, personal fears, or a desire to conform to social norms.

Cognitive Dissonance – Cognitive dissonance occurs when there is a discomfort or tension between one's beliefs and actions. To alleviate this discomfort, individuals may either adjust their behavior or rationalize their actions to align with their beliefs.

External Pressures and Social Expectations – Social and environmental pressures can influence behavior. People may act in ways that align with societal expectations or conform to peer pressure, even if it contradicts their stated intentions.

Unconscious Influences – Unconscious biases, habits, or automatic responses may override conscious intentions. Individuals might find themselves acting in ways that are consistent with their subconscious beliefs rather than their stated ideals.

In current circumstances, the line between wrong and right has become quite blurred, in Pakistan and other countries like us. Lying has become part of everyone’s life, and most people have become ‘compulsive liars’, means they lie out of habit, not out of need. We are in the middle of a social, moral, and ideological crisis where it is quite simple for us to not act on what we say.

What can be done to change this behavior? Of course, everyone must start from their own self, and make corrections there. Following factors and practices may help.

Self-reflection on values, beliefs, and actions leads to greater self-awareness which can then lead to a better understanding of inconsistencies and a conscious effort to align behavior with intentions.

Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and actions. This heightened awareness allows for better self-regulation and the ability to align behavior with intentions.

Establishing clear goals and creating action plans can provide a roadmap for individuals to follow through on their intentions. Breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps enhances the likelihood of consistent action.

Creating mechanisms for accountability, such as sharing goals with a trusted friend or seeking feedback, can help individuals stay on track. External feedback can provide valuable insights and encouragement.

Clarifying personal values and priorities can help individuals make decisions that align with their core beliefs. This process involves identifying what truly matters to them and guiding actions accordingly.

Encouraging individuals to confront and resolve cognitive dissonance by either adjusting their behavior or reevaluating their beliefs. This process may involve seeking additional information, reconsidering perspectives, or taking actions that align with stated intentions.

It's important to recognize that changing behavior is a gradual process, and individuals may require ongoing support and self-reflection. By addressing the underlying psychological factors and promoting self-awareness, individuals can increase the consistency between their intentions and actions over time.

Concluded.

Reference:

https://courses.lumenlearning.com/waymaker-psychology/chapter/freud-and-the-psychodynamic-perspective/

https://knowledge.insead.edu/career/how-align-what-you-say-what-you-do?utm_source=INSEAD+Knowledge&utm_campaign=1297b8ac8a-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2024_01_11_01_40&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-1297b8ac8a-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D